Lent

I’m giving up “I can’t” for Lent.

It probably doesn’t sound like much, if you’re not blessed with a perfectionist, neurotic personality and an incredible amount of insecurities, like me. But the truth is, I find myself saying “oh, I can’t” a lot, when a more accurate phrase would be, “I don’t know how,” or “I’m not very good at this yet,” or “I’m afraid to fail so I just won’t try.” I like being in my comfort zone, which is a kind of small space, when I think about it–especially when I think about the kick-ass things I am capable of when I put my mind to it (like going for that PhD, even when it meant I had to move to Germany for it, or applying for the Tanner fellowship, even if that meant moving again, and starting over, again, by myself, again). In many ways, I am an incredibly strong woman, so why do I limit myself so often with that “I can’t?”

So I suppose I’m giving up that comfort zone up for Lent. This is not a yes experiment, and you will not see me sky diving or switching careers or anything. It’s attempt to spend forty days not limiting myself–or at least not out of fear. It’s an attempt to figure out what I really mean when I say “I can’t”: I won’t? I don’t want to? I don’t know how to? I’m scared to try?

Rachel Held Evans has forty ideas for Lent over at her blog, and she suggests the following questions to ask yourself, including

2. Is there a habit or sin in my life that repeatedly gets in the way of loving God with my whole heart or loving my neighbor as myself? How do I address that issue over the next 40 days?

5. How do I want Lent 2014 to affect not only the next 40 days but also the next 40 years?

And when I think about it, well, getting rid of those self-imposed restrictions that limit how I see myself, and by extension, others around me, and even God, seems to fit the bill pretty well.

If you’re giving something up this year, tell me what in the comments. If you’re still looking for a practice, I’d recommend the post I linked to for some very accessible ideas!

twenty-seven

I turned 27 on Saturday, March 1st. I spent it with L., a wonderful guy I’m dating, and whom I’ve been quiet about because it’s been going so well and I didn’t want to jinx it. On Friday, we drove down to Provo to see John Lithgow’s “Stories by Heart,” in which he mixed a PG Wodehouse and a Ring Lardner story with stories of his own childhood and was absolutely captivating for two hours. Thank you, E., for gifting me the tickets!

On Saturday, I got to sleep late, skype with my family (who, in three different skype conversations, all proceeded to sing me happy birthday because my family is adorable), bake a cake (Smitten Kitchen’s bittersweet chocolate and pear, in case you were wondering), and spend about two hours at the Sam Weller’s bookstore, combing every shelf to my heart’s content. L. bought me two (second-hand) books, Madeleine L’Engle’s And Both Were Young, and Zoe Ferraris’ Kingdom of Strangers, both authors I’ve read before and both books I didn’t know existed, so that was exciting.

On Sunday, I first went to church (and even went up when it was time for the birthday blessing/prayer, even though my introvert self resisted the idea of getting up in front of everyone), then met up with L. again, for a walk through Liberty Park in the sun and an afternoon spent at Beans and Brews, with a book, a muffin, and a soy hazelnut latte.

Yes, I have once again managed to find a guy that thinks reading together at a coffee place is a perfectly reasonable and wonderful way to spend an afternoon. I’m sure you see why I like him.

I have been swamped with papers to write and chapters to research and a bunch of other stuff to do, so it was absolutely lovely to take the weekend off. You know me, I like low-key birthdays, and this was about as low-key as it gets, and about as perfect.

good morning, good morning, good morning

A month or so ago, I met with one of the priests in my local church to discuss confirmation/reception into the Episcopal Church. I felt much better about my presumed heterodoxy after that meeting, and came away with a few book recommendations as well. She also mentioned the following poem to me. It’s lovely and especially fitting for a Monday morning in which I had to drag myself out of bed.

Mary Oliver

Hello, sun.

um, sure?

I’m not even that much of a Tom Hiddleston fan, but this made me pause. Hello darling indeed.

this and that, the ephemeral edition

–Remember back when I got word I had been granted the Tanner fellowship, and I was so excited about the library privileges and private office that I said I didn’t care they weren’t offering me health benefits? Well, my sister E. pointed out the other day that I may have jinxed myself then and there, as I have never had as many health-related issues as this year, nor sent as many claims to my insurance. Oops.

–I am definitely not Babble’s target audience, as I saw a post on what to wear for Valentine’s Day, and I only thought, wait, Valentine’s Day has a dress code? Why do I not know that?

–I tried out two new coffee places last weekend. With other people. (That deserves it’s own sentence, grammatically incorrect as it is.) Look at me, being all social and stuff! Also, dad, if you ever feel like coming back to Salt Lake, I now know an abundance of places to go for coffee. (That should tempt him.)

–Sunday morning, in church, the priest offered a lovely homily on breaking down the walls that make for an us-vs-them mentality, and gave a shout out for economic and marriage equality in the process. I’m generally not very good at actually listening to the sermon, but the Episcopalian homilies are so nice and short even my attention span can handle it. (That’s saying a lot. The ‘hey look, a squirrel’ thing is very applicable to me.)

–The snow has melted here, and the weather is lovely and mild, and I’m using my bike again instead of relying solely on Trax. I’m knocking on wood here, as it’s only February and people have been warning me it can snow till unbelievably late in the year here, but it’s nice while it lasts.

–Tomorrow I’m indulging my inner nerd and going to see the Utah Symphony play at Abravanel Hall. Why? Because the concert is called The Magic of Harry Potter and there’s no way I’m going to miss that.

happy valentine’s day, indeed

Yesterday, I got an unexpected present. There was a padded envelope in the mailbox with my name on it, and inside, I found this:

After Christmas break, Dino had stayed with E., and I am delighted to have him back with me.

With a sister like this, who needs a date? Thank you, E.

a love letter to my friends

I do not have a date for Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I didn’t have one last year, either. Don’t worry, I don’t really care. When I think about all the reasons why I’d like to have someone in my life, celebrating Valentine’s Day does not make it on to the list. (No offense to those of you that go all out–that’s just not my idea of romance.) But what I do have is an unhealthy fixation with Parks and Recreation, and thus the felt need to celebrate Galentine’s Day. So here we go: my love letter to my female friends.

I am blessed with so many lovely ladies in my life. You know who you are, and you make my life better every single day, with your Skype calls and blog comments and texts and cards sent through the mail, with HIMYM marathons and coffee breaks and museum visits, with chats about nothing and everything,  with endless patience for all my quirks, with refuge when I need it, and even when I don’t. I never do things the easy way (see: moving countries twice in three years), and I am incredibly appreciative of all the ways you cheer me on. I am lucky to know all of you. If most of you weren’t living an ocean away, I’d invite you all over for coffee and the breakfast food of your choice, but this will have to do for now. Thank you for being my friend.

To any male friends reading this, I love you too. Just not today. via

(If this post makes no sense to you, it’s a sign you need to repent and start watching Parks and Recreation. Seriously.)